Inspirations from Binah

From Marina:

I tended to chase men who are ‘players’ and played “treat them mean to keep them keen”, and they were always certain types of masculine figures with what I thought were strong principles. I learnt later in my life that these types of figures, in a way, represented a whole package of how my father rejected me as a child and my views of how he should have been, appeared and behaved towards me.

The, treat them mean to keep them keen part, was subconsciously the rejection part from these type of figures. For me, when I chased, along with the strong negative emotions I felt, it was me saying subconsciously “I am not going to be rejected again!” My conscious self believed I was madly in love and hoped that he would like me and if he did, he will see what nice person I am and fall in love with me and that would make me happy. But really I wasn’t happy, I was chasing acceptance from a deep rooted rejection.

When I met my ex husband he appeared and behaved how my fantasy figure of a man should be, so I applied a face to the fantasy and failed to see the other aspects about him. I was basically chasing rejection so I can feel, “yes I am loved”. The relationship was destructive, he never really fulfilled my expectations.  Why? Because at the time I wasn’t aware that I didn’t know what my expectations really were? I didn’t really know me. I didn’t see any of this until after I was divorced and I feel this is a problem with a lot of men and women. I meet people who have gone through similar situations. We chase what’s not good for us. The key for me was to begin to love my self.

How do we make our selves see we are chasing rejection from the past and learn to love our selves instead in order to meet the ‘right’ mate for us?

Inspirations from Binah:

Deep seated childhood rejection manifests in many ways.  Some people feel like they need to prove themselves to each person they meet, while others push people away in a secret hope to get the negative reaction they are used to.  And like you said, most don’t even realize what they are doing.  Bravo for seeing the pattern!  Now it is time to transmute the energy, freeing yourself from it.

When you are ready to see how today’s behavior comes from yesterday’s pain, here is a ritual exercise that opens the heart chakra so you can look deep inside, find the psychological pain and release it.

Ritual preparation:

• Mirror where you can see yourself from the waist up
• Red, blue and yellow or green dry-erase markers
• Eraser or piece of kitchen paper

Stand before the mirror:
With the blue marker draw a rectangle over the reflection of your right shoulder
With the red marker draw a pentagram over the reflection of your left shoulder
With the yellow or green marker draw a hexagram over the reflection of your heart

Set your sacred space and call in your Higher Self and guides.  Start with you back up against the mirror.  Take a moment and bring to the surface the rejection from the past.  Feel it within you, visualizing the events that caused it or the people involved.  Take as much time as you need to capture all the emotions into your physical vessel.

When you are ready, push the rejection to the back of your body and transfer it to your reflection behind you.  Take a step forward with your right foot first and turn around to come face-to-face with your reflection.  Stare straight into your eyes, looking at the rejection across from you, knowing that it is now captured in the mirror and away from your physical body.  As you stare ahead, slowly begin to move your shoulders in little circles -these should be delicate, slow motion that are almost imperceptible.  Do not look at your shoulders as you do this, lock your vision to your eyes, exploring every aspect of how you “see” the world.

Continue this subtle movement as you awaken the healing connection of your arms and heart.  Shed your protective layers and stand in your full vulnerability, accepting the source of the original hurt.  Resist the urge to bring this rejection back inside yourself, it is in the mirror and away from your physical self.  As the compassion wells within you, when you feel you have accepted and forgiven the past, erase the blue rectangle.

Bring your vision back to your eyes and resume the subtle arm movement.  Summon purification energy.  Feel yourself covering your entire reflection with light energy, spreading out to all the limbs of your body.  Thank the rejection for its service and the lessons you have learned, then ask it to leave once and for all.  When it is gone, erase the red pentagram.

Still staring into your eyes and moving your shoulders, it is time to take the final step and heal.  Call upon your chosen healing energy, which can be Reiki or Archangel Rafael or just pure light, and ask for all of your etheric body to be cleansed and sealed.  Let the healing wash over you until the scabs are transmuted into radiant light energy.  When you are sealed, erase the green or yellow hexagram.

Return one final time to look straight into your eyes and channel pure, love energy from your body into the reflection.  This is you, the healed you, the you that is free to seek out healthy, loving relationships.  With pure love, look at your entire body, channeling that love to every part of your life.  Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug to complete the process.

You are now free and open to find the relationships and love you seek.

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