Inspirations from Binah

Numbers in transport by James Cridland

My mother and I get along very well.  Anyone who knows her understands why; she is kind, loving and generous.  And while Mom and I are extremely alike deep down, we are polar opposites in how we choose to navigate the world.  Where I am loud and open, she is reserved and quiet.  You could say that comes from her childhood, but I think there are other energies at play.

My mother’s name was changed somewhere in her formative years.  Changed is not exactly correctly, you could say that it was permanently misspelled.  My mother’s name is German (she has NO German blood in her, my abuela just liked the sound of it) and ended in a ‘d’.  Sometime between birth and marriage, that ‘d’ disappeared.  No one knows where or how, but Mom never bothered to find out where it went.  Even though her baptism papers were wrong, it wasn’t until my mother received her passport around age 17 that anyone took notice of the mistake.

So why does this matter?  It matters because it completely changes her numerology.  Your Name or Destiny Number determines your overall personality.  As described by Adohr Spirit:

The destiny number describes the tasks that you must achieve in this lifetime using the name that was given to you by your parents. This name, the complete birth name, symbolizes the opportunities you have at your disposal -your potential. It is your life’s purpose, spiritual mission, and your field of opportunity.  Unlike the Life Path number which reads as you are, the Destiny number more correctly reads as you MUST or what you can aspire to become.

Numbers in a City by See-ming Lee

I know what it is like to have your name constantly misspelled.  Living in an Hispanic community most of my life with a French spelled name means that I get lots of emails addressed to “Ivette”.  When I was a kid, my report card even came misspelled.  The difference between my mother and me is that I am diligent about correcting every person.  Hmmm…  Could my Mom’s missing letter be the Universe’s way of correcting a mistake made via my grandmother’s free will?

Since neither Mom, nor her family, ever thought of fixing the mistake, I’m starting think think that her modified name created some type of split personality.  My mother’s original number is an 8:

8: Material satisfaction, accomplishment; desire for success, power, recognition.

This comes no where close to describing my Mom’s day-to-day life.  Sure she wants to be financially secure, but she does not have the drive to do push for it -never has.  Her modified number (the one missing the ‘d’) is a 4:

4: System and order, service, sense of limitation; managing, working hard, practical, down-to-earth.

random.number by the.serial.chiller

Now we’re getting somewhere.  This seems more like who she is today.

In talking to my mother, I always get a sense that her life didn’t turn out quite as expected.  Deep down, she had the desires of an 8, but the 4 allowed her to put aside her own ambition and work in the service of others.  That’s not to say she is unhappy, because I think she is content with her choices, but at the same time I think she feels like she could have done more.  More than her Name numbers conflicting, I think that her Inner Dream numbers push and pull on a constant basis.

Her true name would have taken her down the path of:

You dream of being a leader and one who is in charge. You want to be known for your courage, daring, and original ideas. You seek unconquered heights. People may get a first impression that you are very aggressive and sure of yourself.

Her modified name takes her to:

You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

And while my brothers and I love each other, we are not what you would think of as a “perfect” family.  We’re a disparate family unit, coming together only when necessary.  This is not my mother’s ideal vision; she would like to see us constantly visiting one another and having regular family dinners.  She accepts the reality of our relationships because that is what 4s do, but she does not like it.  The interesting part is that I think her original Inner Dream of being a leader colored how we were raised, creating our present family dynamic.  Mom may not have been a corporate giant, but she taught us to be independent, follow our dreams and reach for the sky – something she never had the courage to do.  That original Inner Dream pushed us out into the world, even while her modified Inner Dream longed for domestic bliss.

All of this has lead me to look at my own numbers more carefully.  What are the numbers that are determined at birth versus the ones I have created for myself, and how does that change who I am?  Numerology is an excellent tool for understanding your core being; another tool for the Spiritual Toolbox.  While it is important to accept who you are fundamentally, you also have the power to become who you want to be.  Whether you change your name or just adopt different habits, first give yourself permission to be “you”.  Look through your numerology, astrology and anything else that shows you different facets of who you came into this world as being.  Only when you know and love your true self, can you begin to become who you want to be.