Posts Tagged ‘love’

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Longing for lost love/first love

May 5, 2011

Mun asks:

I am 42 and married and with 2 children. I have been having some marital issues stemming from a lack of intimacy and lack of financial support from my husband for the past few years, but I kept all these issues/problems to myself until last October when I burst out. At the same time, due to not wanting to face reality and wanting to escape from it all, I started thinking and looking up online a lost love from 21 years ago, my very first love.

There was so much love and passion with my first BF that it all came back when I saw his name online as I materialized his existence (I made believe he was dead for all these years). I know this is silly, but I have not stopped thinking about my first BF since last August and the vivid memories I have of him are from the past and I wonder how he is doing today and want to see him so badly, but I must control myself because I don’t want to do something stupid. I’m so glad he is out of state and reachable only by plane, but thoughts have come to mind to pick up the phone and catch up with him and arrange for a face to face meeting. I really miss him and feel so guilty as I am now married, but in a relationship where the love that I once felt for my spouse if slowly fading away.

I know this is not healthy and need some advice. My spouse is aware of our issues and is working on putting his act together, but I am very confused with what is going on with my feeling and emotions. Do I call my ex to put some closure to a relationship from 21 years ago or just let it go and live life as usual? I am afraid that not knowing about my ex is more of a torture now that he is back in my mind than to pretend that he does not exist. It took me about 8 years to move on and forget him when I was in my 20′s, but it only took minutes to bring him back to my mind and memory and I feel that I cannot easily remove him from my psych if I don’t put a closure to the relationship that I once had with him unless I contact him. I appreciate the advice you can provide… thanks!


Inspirations from Binah replies:

A friend recently said to me that with social networks, you can never really escape your past.  Unless you change your name or never go online, gone are the days when you graduate from high school and leave behind your small town.  If you are online, anyone can find you… and with a little perseverance, you can find anyone.  I tend to think this is a good thing because it makes us face the past instead of running away from it.  I mean, how can you really move forward in life if you have a festering wound you keep ignoring?

Like it or not, your feelings for your first boyfriend exists.  Judging or labeling them as unhealthy is only going to add confusion, so release those thoughts.  As human beings, we have a tendency to romanticize the past.  While there is nothing wrong with this, it is important to recognize that our memories are not always accurate.  Basic defense mechanisms minimize pain and maximize beauty, this is why we often find ourselves repeating hurtful patterns — we forget the suffering until we are back in it.

Regardless of what “may” be, until you work through your own issues, there is no point in contacting your first BF.  Seeing him again will not make the problems in your marriage disappear.  Now is the time to look honestly at yourself to find the thought patterns and behaviors that have contributed to the marital discord.  Once these have been healed, you can look at the situation with fresh eyes and determine whether you leave your marriage to pursue the past or close that door forever.

Sit in the present moment and acknowledge that you and your first BF shared something special.  Give yourself permission to reconnect to those feelings of young love and wonder without attaching to the person.  Your goal is to bring this energy back into your life, exploring all the avenues that can take you there.

White tailed fawn close

White tailed fawn close

Your Spirit Animal is Born

Spring is upon us in the northern hemisphere, so it is appropriate to call upon the animal kingdom to help you.  In the woods, a fawn has been born to help guide your way.  This spirit animal is here to gently teach you.  A deer never pushes for change, rather it nudges you in the direction of acceptance, for the balance of true power lays in love and compassion.

This spring, consciously connect to your fawn in search of learning and healing.  You can place a figurine next to your bed to guide you in dream time, meditate on a picture or go into nature and commune with one in the physical.  Every time you connect, allow the  fawn’s energy to melt the barriers that separate you from seeing your patterns.  Let your spirit animal shower you with unconditional love as you work through your fears and pain.

When a deer totem enters your world, a new innocence and freshness in about to be awakened. New adventures are just around the corner and there will be an opportunity to express the gentle love that will open new doors for you.  -Ina Woolcott


When Summer begins, your fawn will have reached a new level of maturity, and with its growth you will have found the answers you seek.  In sacred ceremony, thank the fawn for all you have been taught and allow it to return to nature.  Your deer will always be with you in spirit, providing loving support and gentle guidance.  You will learn how to listen to your heart and recognize that sometimes the higher good requires a sacrifice.  Only when you are free of expectations can you find the alternative path that will lead you to your goal.



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Spring Flings – Does it matter where they take us?

May 2, 2011
The world through my eyes

The world through my eyes

A simple smile… Sparkling eyes… A short giggle… Spring is in the air.  All around me I am being shown the renewal birthed by this marvelous energy.  Mercury is happily on its direct path creating opportunities for subtle communications through all the senses.

I *love* this time of year, and not just because my birthday is right around the corner. ;)

I love listening to my friends tell me stories of new romances.  Not all these romances are with people; sometimes the love affair with the perfect pair of jeans or the beautiful ring found at a local thrift store can be just as exciting as flesh and blood.  It is all about contact and sharing – that is what I live for.  There is so much promise at the beginning.  Everything is new and wonderful and full of possibilities.

To truly enjoy all there is to experience, you have to embrace the uncertainty.  During winter, we traveled through our shadows shining light on the cobwebs.  Some dusting here, some heavy cleaning there… All with the goal of creating a special place for the radiant spring light we knew would be coming.

If you did your internal work these last few months, the world seems open to everything.  You are connected to Source, believe in yourself and trust you are being guided with each step.  It takes faith to release the fear and flow with what you are feeling, especially when you know it may end.  Then again, part of that faith is trusting that the journey is more important than the destination.  Instead of asking yourself a million questions about what *exactly* is happening, why not thrust your head out the window and take in the sights and smells, letting the wind carry away your concerns?

Intellectually, I am well aware that all this may disappear.  The jeans start to fade, the ring gets lost, the person you were cuddling with stops calling, but that is part of the cycle of life.  Just because you may not have something in the future does not mean you should pass it up now.  Life is meant to be experienced, so when you have an opportunity: go for it.  Besides, you never know what may happen.  I still have jeans from when I was in high school, and they look better on me now than they did then.

When I was a young, ugly ducking in junior high, I came across a phrase that struck me:
If you see something you want and you go for it, you may not get it, but if you see something you want and you don’t go for it, then you definitely don’t get it. It seems like the worse that can happen either way is that you don’t get it, so what do you have to lose?

I have lived by that credo all my life.  It has taken me to great heights and into deep pits, but there are no regrets.  Fueled by the warm spring air, I continue embracing every opportunity, trusting Source will show me the way.

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My partner is pulling me down, should I go?

April 27, 2011

Alisa asks:

I have two children with a man whom I love very much.  He has spent the last 12 years in extreme turmoil. I have tried to part ways many times, but continue to get back with him because I love him as a person. However, he pulls me down very much. He is mentally ill and unstable and refuses evaluation or any alternative therapy. He is depressed and very passive about his life. Recently, I was admitted into the University and I am planning on moving to another state in a few months. He said he wants to come and support us there, but I need a new start and I know he really doesn’t want to go because he has no drive to find work. He has a very kind heart, but does nothing for himself but work in a  liquor store. He is functioning at a very low vibration and doesn’t want to help himself. I have tried so hard to nurture his relationship with the children because they love him, but I am seeing how the depression is making us all feel low and down in the dumps. I need some wholesome advice on how I can work this out. I fear he should stay here and we should go alone.

Inspirations from Binah replies:

While your emotional center sets the direction toward love, which can sometimes feel like a random choice with no foundation, your mind provides the checks and balances needed to understand that love.  Language limits our ability to comprehend all the different types of love that can be experienced, making it seem as if the feelings we feel for another person outside of our family can only be categorized as ‘romantic’ or ‘friendship’.  The truth is there are many other levels, each one providing lessons and experiences necessary for your evolutionary journey.

After 12 years with this man, your mind understands all the pros and cons of staying with him.  If he comes with you to your new city, you will continue to repeat the existing pattern, for you cannot expect another to change.  If you can find acceptance, joy and growth in this pattern, then your answer is simple: he should go with you.  But if you continue to feel that he is bringing down the vibration of the entire family, then you must realize that if you remain with him, you are not only holding back your personal growth, you are teaching your children that this is the best they can expect out of life.

That being said, there was a reason you were joined together in love, giving you an opportunity to reach a new level of knowledge through the journey you have walked together.  Sometimes it takes Understanding in order to receive the full Wisdom of an experience and move on to the next.  Shift your focus onto identifying and understanding the love you share today, releasing the need to believe that it must be the love of a partner and opening yourself to accepting that this love may be a vibration meant to bring your children into the world and provide you with strength and compassion you could only acquire through your union.

In your quiet Sanctuary, ask your Higher Self to take you on a spiritual journey through this relationship.  Begin with where and how you met, asking your Higher Self to play the entire video of the last 12 years and pausing where a new lesson was learned.  Take note of each time you learned something about yourself, each time you shed a layer of your ego or prejudices or weaknesses.  Create this list, and when you are done, ask your Higher Self if there is still more to learn in order to find the balance between your emotions and your intellect.  Your Higher Self can tell you if this story should continue, are you ready to accept the answer?

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How do I invoke the emotion of loving myself?

February 20, 2011

Featured in February issue of Spiritual Lounge.

 

From Marina:

People always say feel the love within, love yourself first.  What healing steps can we take in order to invoke the emotion of loving ourselves?   What tools do we use to begin this process?

 

Inspirations from Binah:

Love yourself, love thy neighbor, unconditional love, make love… even just a quick search reveals the vast depth of this powerful word.  Love is about acceptance, experiencing a situation or condition  without attempting to change it, protest, or exit.  It is about looking at yourself in the mirror and being happy with what you see even though you know it is not perfect.  You see the wrinkles and understand that their presence reveals the wisdom that can only be acquired through experience.  Each curve and blemish create the unique person you are.  Though you look with your eyes, you see with your heart a reflection of all that lies within – a deep glow that can only be obtained by stepping onto the path of life and marching forward in spite of the obstacles.

What we seek for ourselves is unconditional love; a love that shows us the beauty and harmony in all that surrounds us, encouraging us to explore the shadows as we walk through the light.  Of course there will be moments of sadness and pain, but you recover quickly when your heart is filled with that elusive quality called self-love, a knowledge that you have all you need to heal and grow.  But how do you find self-love?  How do you find that endless well of internal beauty and acceptance?

You dance…

“… dance… is about the primitive response to the world around us. It evokes emotions, tells stories and can connect the dots of the inner fury that every living thing experiences. “

Dance allows us to release our emotions through movement and sound.  By choosing a song at random, closing your eyes and allowing your body to move without restraint, your subconscious comes to the surface and reveals what is buried deep.  Each expression shows you your strengths and weaknesses, creating a blueprint for your personal development.

Not sure you want to go it alone?  There are many Intentional Dance communities which will guide you through this emotional experience.  Incorporating ritual, ceremony, breath, music and movement, dance becomes meditation taking you to higher states of consciousness.   Some groups also incorporate vocalizations through chanting, grunting and toning.

“Throughout time, humans have gathered and danced in ceremony. We have used dance as a means to get in touch with our inner and outer landscapes and as a tool to conjure light and dark energies. These energies are inherent parts of each of us. By building community with one another we create a safe, connective container within which we can develop deeper relationships to authentic self-expression and integral health.” -Synergy: Intentional Dance Experiment

Add dance to your Spiritual Toolbox as a way of gauging how you feel and expressing self-love.  Push the coffee table out of the way, pick a selection of your favorite tunes and let your body commune with spirit in motion!

 

Once upon this Island Quote
About Synergy

 

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I want to release my longing for an unhealthy love, suggestions?

February 11, 2011

From Nathaniel:

I just recently fell out of love with someone.  This person was someone who came into my life and immediately captured my heart.  She was so wild and so unlike myself in so many ways that I was immediately in love.  So this went on for a while on and off, until I went home to Florida.  While I was gone for only a few days she cheated on me, and in the next few days, with the help of her roommate especially, what we had totally fell apart.  I was utterly devastated as I had unknowingly invested quite a lot into her, and having all that gone at once was very hard to deal with.  Then all my friends started telling me how bad she was for me, which I understand and ultimately know is true.  Then about a week and a half ago she called me, apologizing for everything, and saying that she still loved me.  Then three days later she talks on her Facebook all about her new crush, so I immediately deleted her from my friends list.  I understand that she wasn’t good for me, and that she in so many ways put me in a very bad position, however everyday my idle thoughts turn to thinking about her.  I know even if we did get together again, at this point it wouldn’t be right, but I know that I still have a longing to be with her.  I want to find a way to be rid of these feelings, or at least find a way for me to move on, and develop new love once again.  Do you have any suggestions?

 

Inspirations from Binah:

A love shared by two people is something that can never be fully expunged, nor should it be.  There were some wonderful moments that when brought to mind will always fill you with the loving emotions of the experiences shared.  What you seek is not to forget her all together, but to reach a point where she is memory that lives in the past.  We underestimate the value and happiness of reminiscing.  The past is something we should treasure and learn from without trying to recreate it in the present.

With that goal in mind, are your thoughts of her rooted in an emotional cord that must be cut or a clean, yet still open, wound that is slowly healing?  From your words, you recognize that this is not the relationship for you and have accepted that you and she must go your separate ways.  You are walking the path of the Death card, so it is appropriate that to honor this parting you hold a formal ceremony.

If you feel that there is something that is pulling you back to her, cut the emotional cords using any of the methods shared in previous Inspirations from Binah answers titled:

With the cords cut, call upon the energy of the Phoenix and the purification power of its flaming death to release the last of your longing and cauterize the wound.

Phoenix Rebirth Ceremony

In a flame-proof location, create a small nest made out of twigs or small branches.  In the center, place some myrrh resin or incense.  Place over the myrrh something that reminds you of her; this can be an object, picture or even a piece of paper with her name on it.

Set your sacred space and call in your Higher Self and guardians.  Invoke the Phoenix and prepare for the transmutation through death.  When you are ready, set the nest and all the objects within it, on fire .  As the Phoenix burns, channel all your longing into the flame and ask for Archangel Rafael, the divine physician, to provide healing energy to soothe your heartache.

Allow the fire to completely burn out.  If possible, leave the ashes where they are, allowing the energy to regenerate and complete the healing process.  If they must be moved, put them in a box or someplace where thy will not be disturbed.  In three days, take the ashes and scatter them into nature, symbolizing the rebirth of the Phoenix.  Healthy and happy, the Phoenix circles the sky ready to begin again, just as you are now ready to continue your journey with an open heart.

Though it will take time for your lingering thoughts to find a new place to rest, when you feel especially vulnerable, call upon the Phoenix and allow it to burn away your longing and inspire your next steps.

 

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