As an American living in Europe, I am often asked what I see as the biggest differences between N. America and Europe. While there are obviously many political and cultural differences, the one that affects me the most are the social norms. Spanish culture in particular, which is now “home”, is very social. I would take that a step further and say that it still honors an ancient social culture that is centered around gathering with friends and family as often as possible.
Shopping is still done in small market areas. Sure, there are bigger super markets and malls scattered here and there, but that is not where most of the population goes. You go to the corner butcher, fish market, produce stand and so forth. These shopping areas are usually centered around a plaza so that the children can play, the older generation can sit on benches and talk, adolescents and 20-somethings can sit at a cafe and the parents can walk around, hand-in-hand, doing the shopping. It takes longer than going through a supermarket, but interacting with the world around you becomes part of the process.
Plaza en Valencia
It is very common for a person in Spain to work all day and instead of going straight home, go out with friends for a drink. Not several drinks or a rowdy night on the town, just one drink where you sit in a plaza or patio and talk about life. Because it is not a tip culture, you can sit in one place for several hours talking and watching the world go by. Around 21 h (9pm), you say good-bye to your friends and go home for dinner and some well deserved sleep.
Of course you don’t do this every night, but I would say you do it weekly, and in some circles, several times a week. Whether you are shopping, walking around the neighborhood or having some tapas, the point is that you are interacting. When I first arrived in Europe I was mesmerized by all the different cultures I saw doing this. Germany, Austria, England, Holland… while they each have their unique social norms, on average, I find that they gather much more often than I ever did in N. America.
So the question on my mind is, “why?” And I think that James Howard Kunstler hit the nail on the head in his brilliant TED talk – America is a nation of places not worth caring about; we have no public spaces to gather in!
In the US, houses are large and, supposedly, made for entertaining. Living rooms and dining rooms and play rooms… all the space you need to gather. The thing is, if everyone has a wonderful home, why would anyone ever leave to go to another person’s home? Each person wants you to come to their house because it is more convenient or spacious or whatever other excuse they can come up with.
Government Center Boston
When you try to pick a neutral location, you find that there is no where to go. Parks often don’t have benches, restaurants kick you out as soon as you finish drinking your tea, and coffee shops are blaring music so loud you can’t hear each other. While I find time home alone extremely valuable in my personal development, I also know that time with friends and family is equally important. I would love to gather up my closest friends, go for a walk and sit on a bench in front of a beautiful building with some fruit we picked up at the corner store. Not only will the interaction bring much needed reflection and sharing of knowledge, watching those around us will add depth to all that we experience, for there is so much to learn through simple observation.
Source sends us messages in many ways. Next time you’re trying to figure out what to do on a Saturday afternoon, instead of going to a dark movie theatre or staying home to watch TV, gather up the family and go do something that interacts with the rest of the world. If you open yourself to a new experience, you may just learn something you never expected.
