Inspirations from Binah

For almost half a year, I have been pushing, prodding, transforming… all in the hopes of learning a valuable lesson: how to release fear and accept faith. They seem like such simple words, but as you already know, that is FAR from the truth. Fear is ingrained in us from early childhood:

Don’t touch that or you will get hurt!
If you don’t do exactly what I say, you will be punished!
We are on the brink of economic collapse!
WAR is coming!

Every day is a constant deluge of fearful words and expressions. So what is a person to do? With so much despair, it is bound to seep into every nook and cranny of life, infecting your thoughts and actions and making you think the only good choice is a safe choice.

A few months ago, my world went black. In one week, I lost an unfathomable number of… ummm… let’s use the word “things”. While what I lost were not exactly objects, the specifics are not important. What is important is that the Universe decided that I wasn’t living up to my part of the “life purpose” contract I accepted and instead of allowing me to continue to hide behind a bunch of safe things, it was time to face my fear.  Unfortunately, the Universe knew that in order for me to wake up, it had to not only take away my first level of avoidance defense, for I had become pretty good at protecting my inner sanctuary, it had to systematically remove every level that existed.  POOF!

At first, I just sat there stunned.  Was this really happening?  Could it really be that in one single week so much could go wrong?  My self-esteem plummeted and I instantly thought I was being punished.

My initial emotions didn’t last long.  Sure I cried and screamed… talking to anyone that would listen, but I also sat in silence and looked within.  Lucky for me, I’ve learned a few things on my spiritual journey.  Most of all, I have learned how to listen attentively because how things appear at first, may not be how they are meant to be seen.

I swam through the astral realm to discuss my situation with trusted beings beyond the veil, then took those lessons into my meditations, conversing with my Higher Self to find the lesson(s) I needed to learn.

Answers came much quicker than ever before.  FEAR… that was holding me back from taking a giant leap I SO BADLY NEEDED to take.  For years, I had been avoiding this dizzying jump.  Through multiple careers and adventures, whenever I came to this precipice, I would fall back to the safety of my last shelter until I could find another path, thinking that somehow I would avoid the jump all together.  But time after time, as I would build my life anew, I would eventually wind up at the same cliff, staring at the same chasm, and wondering how I would ever cross it.

This time, I decide that there was no going back –it was time to jump!  Only one slight problem… I had NO IDEA how.  I didn’t even know what was on the other side.  The only thing I knew was that the new path I had to take began on the other side of that chasm.  Oh, and I knew one more thing…  I knew I was SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!

For weeks… months… I would sit with my spiritual toolbox before me and rummage its contents. I asked the Universe for guidance daily, being very clear that if this was the path I needed to take, then I needed help getting there.  Guided by my Higher Self, I used oracling tools such as Tarot to choose the appropriate tools.  Some were extremely esoteric, such as detailed rituals and ancient artifacts, but others more mundane.  Sometimes, I would be guided to ask a specific question in a forum or accept help from an unlikely source.  These were things I would have never done in the past without understanding exactly why, but when you have faith in the process, you just feel your way through it.  There comes a time when you don’t need to know.

Active work gave me valuable information which I took into dreamtime and meditations to process how they should be applied in my life.  I created a feedback loop so every tool used could be evaluated for its efficiency. Notes covered my calendar, simple affirmations reminding me that this process would take time… urging me to find patience. I released all expectations and used other spiritual tools to read the languages the Universe was using to talk to me.  Sacred geometry, numerology, synchronicities… they came at me from every direction, confirming my choices and showing me where to auto-correct when necessary.

I have just landed on the other side of the jump.  My footing is still not solid, but I took the leap.  Before me, I see the path and I know that I am close to being firmly on it…  just a few more steps.  The thing is, I don’t know what those steps are, but that’s OK because I know that the Universe will show me when the time is right.  In the meantime, I work on my balance and fill my Spiritual Toolbox.  Looking around, I see that there are new tools sitting on this side cliff and I excitedly begin the process of learning how to use them.

When the fear comes, because it always comes, I let it wash over me… feeling it touch every part of my body.  When it is done coursing through my veins, I follow it with the strongest tool in my toolbox – LOVE.  I love myself enough to feel the fear and sadness, knowing that it is a necessary step in the process… I love myself enough to know that I am reading the signs correctly…  I love myself enough to know that the fear will pass as long as I focus on my faith.  All I need to get me through this is Universal love… and a healthy helping of patience!