Kim writes:
My shadow side has made an appearance. Although dark, deep and painful, there is a part of me that knows that its presented itself for healing and integration. I’ve been in denial for so long about this aspect of myself. With the shadow also comes feelings of deep guilt and shame.
Can you talk to me about practical steps to forgiveness and being compassionate with ourselves?
We often hear the statement, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others, but what does that look like in a real world, practical, day to day way? Is forgiveness a state of being??? or a state of doing?? or both??? Compassion can take both forms, but what about forgiveness. Please share your wisdom…
Inspirations from Binah replies:
Forgiveness is a state of acceptance. It is about looking at a situation honestly and accepting that you cannot change the past, you can only move forward. Call me an idealist, but I believe that every event has a silver lining. In our deepest, darkest pain, there is a lesson to be learned. The lesson is not always trigged by something you did wrong; it is not about punishment, it is about seeing the message embedded in the shadows. Sometimes it is only a tiny sliver of light, but in a bottomless pit of darkness, that light will seem brighter than any you’ve ever seen before, illuminating the decisions that you made to get your to where you are.
A woman once shared the story of her troubled marriage with me. Her husband treated her quite terribly throughout their relationship. After years of emotional abuse, she gathered up her courage and decided to take control of her life and leave him. During their separation, she settled into a nice house where she could finally relax. Slowly, she built the life she always wanted.
One day, as she sat on the couch, she found herself in that middle state between sleep and meditation. Here she could see herself talking to her husband. She was aware that this was not present day, that in fact, this meeting pre-dated their individual births. In that conversation he was saying, “Are you sure? I really don’t want to do this. You are going to hate me.” She repeated her plea and explained that she had a lesson to learn in this lifetime and that she really needed him to do this so she would push herself and learn. Over an over he tried to get out of it, but in the end, he reluctantly agreed and asked only one thing -that she remember that *she* asked him to do this. The contract was sealed.
As she sat on the couch, she recounted her life with this man. Slowly the pieces started flowing and she saw the events of her past in a new light. She still didn’t fully understand her “lesson”, but she knew that it had something to do with finding her personal strength in the face of abuse. What she did find on the road to understanding, was forgiveness. She forgave herself for taking so long to learn, and she forgave him for all his actions. She went to the phone, called her soon-to-be-ex-husband, and simple said, “thank you for fulfilling our contract.” He politely replied with an emotional thank you and they hung up. Though they divorced, they remain distant friends, each knowing something special was shared between them.
With springtime upon us in the northern hemisphere, it is a time of rebirth and renewal. It is a time to finish your walk through the necessary darkness of winter and emerge into the sunlight. Forgiveness is the door, compassion holds the key to unlocking it. Together, they are necessary parts in order for you to finally breath crisp, clean air into your lungs and move out the stale, heavy smog of guilt and shame. Let us use the spiritual tools mother nature gives us in order to transmute pain into joy.
Purple Tulip by lizjones112
Garden of Forgiveness
For this ritual you will need deep purple tulip bulbs, a container or area in your garden, fresh soil, a small collection of items that represent your shame and guilt (you can include photographs, drawings, objects, etc.), a yellowish green marker or crayon and some paper.
On a Monday, create a sacred space, call in your Higher Self and with the marker or crayon, write out your feelings. Allow yourself to purge all the emotions you denied for so long. Write about the pain, the darkness, the shame… write until there is nothing left to write. When you are done, take what you have written along with the objects and place them out in the Sun. For the next few days be gentle with yourself as you feel the Sun’s rays purify and disintegrate the negative energies that once controlled you.
On the following Thursday, take your letter, objects, plant and soil and in sacred ceremony call upon Mother Earth to guide you in forgiveness. Dig a hole deep enough for your tulip bulbs and the objects, then one by one say good-bye to each item and place it in the hole. As you place the object, feel yourself releasing any cords or ties you once had. Put your letter in last and as you cover the objects with a layer of dirt, feel your heart swell with love and compassion. Your final step is to plant the tulips over these objects, letting Mama Gaia take away your pain through your commitment to new life.
In time, with care, your plant will grow and bloom. With each new tulip, you will be reminded of the natural beauty that grows from the bulb buried in the dark soil. When the season is over, your plant will complete its cycle and die, returning to the Earth. It is then that your cycle of forgiveness will be complete. All that will remain will be the beautiful memories and much love.
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