How do I heal the betrayal of a friend?January 26, 2011
What healing steps can I take to overcome the disappointment and betrayal of a friend who pretended to be a friend and used me for her own self gain? How do I release it?
Inspirations from Binah:
Friends are those we turn to in times of need, those who see us at our best and worst. They are our sounding boards, our co-conspirators and our confidants. For this reason, the betrayal of a friend is a wound that cuts deeper than almost any other. We rely on them so much that we sometimes forget that they are human beings with issues of their own.
As you sit back licking your wounds, you have chosen to embark on a path of healing through compassion. You must step into the shoes of another in order to understand their behavior from thought to action. Your journey will take you through four stages, beginning with reliving what happened, not from your point of view, but from that of your friend.
Take the following cards from your tarot deck: Judgment, Hanged Man, Devil, Justice and Lovers. Wrap them in a black cloth and set the rest of the cards aside, they will not be used on this journey.
On a Thursday, set your sacred space and take out the card of Judgment. Place the card where you can sit comfortably as you meditate while looking at it. Ideally, position it against a black background with the other four cards face down nearby.
As you enter a meditative state, ask the card to guide you through your friend’s actions from her point of view. Focus on what was done, not necessarily the reasons behind it. Feel the actions taken and what your friend thought she was doing at the time. Take each step as if it were your own, writing down all the feelings and sensations.
The following day, repeat the process with the cards of the Hanged Man and the Devil. In this session, focus on the reasons behind the actions. Again, place yourself in your friend’s frame of mind from the time you met, to the time of the betrayal. What motivated her to do what she did? Were there external influences? Why did she do it? Is it possible that she had an important reason or that she did not realize that it would hurt you?
On the third day, use the Justice card to find what is necessary to bring things back into balance. Now that you understand her motivation, is there a way for you to help her find what she needs? Were her actions an isolated event or part of her personality? Does what you have learned the last few days change the way you feel about what happened and the friendship?
Sunday is the final day, the day you release any unnecessary energy and decide if you can have the type of friendship you want with this person? What is done is done, it sits in the past, out of your control. Your friend sits before you, with all her flaws and virtues. She can only be who she is, therefore it is up to you to choose what path to take. Allow the Lovers card to gently take you into this decision. Follow it until you find the Understanding you need to forgive the past and consciously choose your future.
Whatever you decide, remember the old proverb:
Friendship is love with understanding.
Free of the disappointment, you see your next step clearly before you. The weight of the past has been lifted allowing you to move in many directions. Which way will you go?
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