From Alvaro:
Where do I start, back when I was in college 15 years ago I meet this girl. We started hanging out, talking and we had a lot of chemistry, however she had a boyfriend and we didn’t do anything. By the time she broke up with her boyfriend, I was moving to the US; things were not meant to be at that time.
15 years later, destiny/life put us back in contact again. I was not looking for anybody at the moment, but I found her thru Facebook, and we started talking again over a year ago.
At the beginning it was the occasional email, saying hi, how is everything, then she would ask for help on her homework, I mean it was very innocent, it was two friends talking after 15 years of being apart and catching up on their everything.
I’m sure that all the talking led those feelings that we had for each other to come out.
We emailed a lot and found that we wanted the same things in life and that we were looking for someone for a long term relationship, and someone that accepted her daughter.
We have also talked about our future together, marriage, she coming to the states, or me going back where she is. What I told her, that not only I was going to earn her love and respect, but that I was going to earn the love and respect of her daughter. The one thing we have clear is that we want to be together.
Well, we started a LDR; we are in our 3rd month. We do a lot of stuff together, we talk two to three times a day, we do homework, hers and her daughter’s, we read books together, we go to the movies, and every night we do video conferencing, also during the day I email her and send her poems and funny emails to make her laugh and enjoy her day.
Here is the problem and my concern.
I have asked her is she minds the calls, the emails and all the attention I give her, and she says no, that she likes it and that she enjoys all of it. However from a few weeks ago I do not get any answers to my emails, so i asked her and she tells me that she is really busy, they changed her from job location and that she hasn’t had the time. I’m also busy, but I find the time to do it, well I told her not to worry and that I do it regardless of getting an answer or not, and that was the end of it.
However, I feel like she does not want to hurt my feelings and that she really does not like it. She likes the attention, but not all the time. Here comes the weird part, when I do not call her or send her an email she asks me why I did not do it?, that I abandoned her.
How do I change the way I treat her? I want to give her the space she needs, to miss me, but if I do it, I am too intense, if I do not do it, there is something wrong.
Yesterday while we talked she says that she is scared that I have ghosts in my life, that I have not told her all about my old relationships. I told her there is nothing to talk about, that I dated and that I did not find anybody worth giving my love to, and its true, and that I found the person I want to share the rest of my life with and that, that person was her. She said one of those ok’s, that you can feel she still is not happy.
So, I do not know what to do.
I love her, and am willing to do anything for her.
How do I make her tell me what she is really thinking, I have tried but it has been to no avail. I do not want to loose her, it took me 15 years to find the love of my life.
Please help me.
Inspirations from Binah
In reading your message, the first thing that comes to mind is, “why do you feel like you have to change your behavior?” Since the beginning, you have sent romantic messages and called. This is the way you show your feelings. She may have all the same emotions, yet feel more comfortable showing them in a different way. Even though she may not respond to every message, that does not mean she is not thinking of you. Step back and give yourself a chance to see her way of reaching out, instead of looking at it through the filters of your own communication style.
There are those that will tell you about the subtle games that should be played in relationships – ways to get the person to miss you so they reach out more. And while there are times where it may work, if you are not a game player by nature, you will feel like a phony. If she truly cares for you, she will miss your physical presence even if you are calling every day. Allow yourself, and her, the freedom to express guided only by love and the power of connection.
As for trying to understand what she is truly thinking, from what you have written, it seems like she is trying to understand who you are. Understanding your past relationships, no matter how short they may have been, is a question you ask when you want to create an image of what someone’s life was before you. She does not have the benefit of being able to spend time with you every day, so she may want to know what type of things you do in relationships. By learning about your past, she may feel like she can get a better image of who you are today – we are a product of all the experiences we have had.
By telling her that there is nothing to say, she may be thinking the same of you that you are of her, “how do I get him to tell me what he is really thinking?” Give her a little more personal knowledge about your past and you will find that she is more open to give you information about her present. Ask your Higher Self for guidance, you will know the way.
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