Writing love letter to jail?
April 21, 2009
From Claire:
“Yes thank u i was told a few yrs ago i wud b writing a lot ov letters. A male friend who has bin sortin his life out, his past has caught up wiv him n he wil b goin 2 jail. E wants me 2 keep in touch as sed e wil miss hearin frm me more than anythin. I care about this man and just wanted 2 know wot u saw around this situation.
i do know i want n will be writing 2 him altho I’m not sure wot else I’m expecting or even wanting. At th moment he is seeing a married woman altho i think that is out ov loneliness. We r both recoverin addicts altho i live over 200 miles away altho i am movin bak home 2 Bolton soon which is his home 2. I am buildin a good trustin friendship wiv this guy. We knew each other a bit at school n as active addicts a bit also altho now this is on a deeper level. Do u c a future eventually?x”
Inspirations from Binah:
The answer to your question requires some careful thought. As a former addict, you understand the nature of addition and how it is something you will both struggle with for the rest of your lives. The fact that you are now clean shows your strength of character and will. Bravo to you!
Your desire to explore the connection you have with this man is understandable, but I warn you to be careful not to set your expectations too high. It is not the fact that he will be incarcerated that is worrisome, but the fact that he has another active relationship with a married woman. I’m assuming that this is an affair and not polyamory; obviously if the woman’s husband consents to the relationship, then the advice below no longer applies.
Even if his relationship is out of loneliness, the fact that he is part of the betrayal of the husband shows that he does not have the strength of will you do. Although he wants you to stay in touch and possibly build something new, he is not willing to engage in healthy relationships. Instead of looking inside himself and figuring out what he wants, he has found a temporary solution to his solitude.
Write to him if you wish, be his friend, but do not set your hopes on a long term relationship at this time. As you develop your friendship, be supportive, open and accepting if he changes, while at the same time protecting your heart in case he doesn’t. Many blessings to you.
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