From Bridget:
Hello, thank you for inviting me to this group!
I have been struggling with a HUGE life issue the last 7 months.
In August of this year I left my boyfriend of 4 years because of abuse. I BELIEVE my partner was using crack cocaine but he lied and denied it over and over and over for years! He so often became angry and violent when I would keep pursuing him with questions. Everything in me said that he had a secret life, but i resisted my truth for so long.
We have a beautiful, delightful daughter together. She is almost 3 and her well being is the most important thing to me. I want to raise an enlightened child! During this time we have not had contact at all with him or his family. In the beginning it was very hard for her but now she seems to be so happy and well adjusted.
I decided I want to try to gain sole custody with no visitation, at this time. He will be facing charges this July for his assaults against me.
The courts are sooo unsympathetic and they PUSH for fathers to have parenting time, even with abusive men! The courts frown on mothers who ask for no visitation. I feel I need to protect my child from this family where spousal abuse has been rampant.
Of course her best interest and needs are in my heart! I want to do the best for her and am trying so hard.
I originally agreed to visits and recently changed my mind. I was feeling so sick, stressed, anxious, and dreaming of him frequently(unable to remember details, just know he was in my dreams). I took all that as a sign that the visits were not okay and I called my lawyer and said No I don’t want to go ahead with the visitation now. So I think it may be left in the courts hands. What is the best way for me to proceed with this situation? Am I doing the right thing for my daughter?
Thank You
~Blessings~
From Inspirations from Binah:
The instincts of a mother to protect her young are strong and often lead us in directions we never dreamed of. The only time to second guess those instincts is when they could be influenced by your individual feelings for another. Before you can answer if you are doing the right thing for your daughter, you must ask yourself how you feel about her father.
Though you must take into consideration his history of abuse, you must also be able to objectively evaluate the relationship your daughter has with her father. Do no let your anger at what he did to you impair your judgment. Confer with your Higher Self and ask what is truly in your daughter’s best and highest good. Ask for guidance to separate the anxiety you feel about the abuse you suffered from the messages you are receiving regarding visitation.
If you feel that you are not in a place where you can be impartial, then find someone that can be. In life, there are many times when it is best to get a second opinion. Ask a trusted friend or contact a professional then use the information they give you in conjunction with your own knowledge and instincts to make an informed decision.
I applaud your courage to go through the court system, it is a tough road. If after searching your heart and evaluating their relationship you still feel strongly that even supervised visits are out of the question, then you must continue down this road. The choice before you is difficult, but the fact that you are reaching out for more input says that your integrity is high and that you are looking out for your daughter’s best interest. Whatever choice you make, you will be supported.
